| Stop the Presses. |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|11:26 pm] |
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I'd be lying if i said i wasn't having fun. |
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| Black Holes and Revelations. |
[Feb. 8th, 2010|02:26 pm] |
"The most heart-wrenching and the most awesome month of my life. Thanks for the memories luv <3 Time to move along."
I keep trying to make myself post that up on facebook.
But I can't.
There's a sort of finality associated with that statement that i just refuse to admit.
Everytime i manage to convince myself to be strong. Put it into words and make it official.
I just can't.
It's cause deep down i still like her. But i dont know why.
I used to be so sure. But now the distance is greater and i'm not sure why.
Is it me or is it her.
God it's so confusing.
When you take away all the big things. You realise it's all the little things that made you like a person.
When you take away the warm talks and hugs and kisses.
I find that i miss her cleanliness, punctuality, that she likes pickles and olives. Even all the mind games (kind of).
And at this point i dont know whether to fight it out. or just cut and run.
But i told myself a long time ago that if she liked me less than i did her i would fight it out.
What frightens me now is that she doesn't like me at all.
And i'm just bashing myself against a wall.
Hey that rhymes.. |
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| Perceptive Perspective |
[Feb. 4th, 2010|04:59 pm] |
No matter how big your problems seem to be.
Just think about how lucky you are to have food, shelter and security.
And everything else seems to pale by comparison.
Because when our lives are so blessed. how can we have the right to be sad.
And no i'm not trying to lecture anyone.
I think i'm just trying to convince myself.. |
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| In my own little world. |
[Feb. 3rd, 2010|10:25 am] |
It's hard to tell others to smile when
you feel like your insides have turned into a tiny ball of ice
but i try anyway
Because i want you to be happy,
even when you make me feel dead. |
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| on the other side |
[Sep. 1st, 2009|01:03 pm] |
The me in the mirror is so lucky.
He looks exactly the same as me without having to work.
He has my clothes without having to buy them
He smiles when i smile though he doesnt know why
He never looks sad. even when i feel sad. |
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| Hrm |
[Jul. 31st, 2009|12:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
i'm not sure if i'm really alive or if i'm in a coma somewhere in the real world and my mind is just substituting this reality in for me.
I guess it would be nice if this is what coma patients really go through. No wonder most of them don't wake up.
Anyway i guess i should just be really grateful whatever the ultimate situation might be.
Everyone's been telling me how lucky i am and how it's all probably a sign that i should get my life in order.
And i actually do kind of believe them. Looking at the pics it's hard not to think that some random god/spirit/deity/genie-in-a-bottle was watching out for me. By all regards i should have at least some broken bones, or a concussion or even be dead.
To walk away with just some scratches is pretty remarkable.
Oh. and everyone else in the car was just as fine too.
P.S. Front Passenger.
( Vehicular carnage ) |
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| obsessed |
[Jun. 26th, 2009|12:17 pm] |
how can something feel so right and yet so wrong.
how can the path be so clear and yet so indistinct.
how come i just can't bring myself to take just one risk.
ah well. i've always believed that easy comes easy goes.
so if that's the case then this is something that's really worth fighting for. |
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| What a long strange trip it's been. |
[Mar. 20th, 2009|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
Been quite a while since i blogged.
It's not as if nothing has happened. just that i've been super lazy.
Anyway one of my new goals is to stop procrastinating and so i shall start by not procrastinating about updating my blog anymore. After this i shall go apply for uni and maybe cure cancer.
So i've kinda settled into a pretty routine lifestyle already. Working 7-5, Mondays - Fridays. Chilling out on weekends and eating waffles on Tuesdays. It's fun .. but.. it's just not complete haha. I guess life does need a bit of adventure now and then. I really need to go do something that i wouldn't usually dare to do or that i've always wanted to do and haven't. <-- Procrastinating.
So i guess i'll try to blog more. It's nice to see what i was like and where i came from some years down the road. |
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| hrmm - - |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|08:35 pm] |
sometimes i'm so schizo.. i look back and even i think what an emo piece of trash i was.
ggrr... i blame the weather. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2008|02:43 pm] |
i don't know how much more i can put up with this..
sigh.. it's like the urge to say fuck you is warring with the limited patience that i have left
i mean seriously.. you make friends wait for you and cancel plans for you. Then turn around and pangseh for what.
we all know what. |
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| was i like that once? |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|06:54 pm] |
I really hope everything works out for you.
Because the day that bubble shatters you're going to look around and wonder where did all the people you once knew go.
and i'm really not sure if i'll still be there either |
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| Seriously.. it could happen. |
[Aug. 4th, 2008|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  random | ] |
This House Believes that Singapore Should Legalise Firearms.
Justification?
Zombies dude.. friggin' zombies!
'Nuff said. |
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| Zheng my.. girl? |
[Aug. 3rd, 2008|05:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
haha.. this is quite a random post, but i was just reading through some of the star-blogger's blog (e.g dawn, xiaxue). Dont ask me why.. the guys were just gossiping abt it earlier and i got curious.
So what was my first impression?
"LOL MUDsLINGING!"
seriously, its like some wow forum e-peen contest.. it's just funny.. i mean they're supposed to be 'celebrities' but the way they act is exactly the same as some cut noob. Cept in this case instead of crying about skill they cry about sluttiness and plastic surgery.
SPEAKING of which.. OHMYGOD i had no idea so many of our young artistes have gone for plastic surgery, like seriously.. the channel8 9pm show? they make it sounds like all of them have gone under the knife. 'so what's so damning about it, everyones doing it^^'. I'll never look at anything the same way again.. next time i see some cute girl on the street my first thought will probably be whether she's had her eyelids cut, or her nose changed. hmmm..
Another thing that struck me was that these girls talk about plastic surgery like other people talk about bodykits on car forums. i'd know cause i actually did alot of reasearch on the subject..... bodykits that is, not plastic surgery. Anyway they're all like, i didnt like my nose so i got it changed.. like WTF change a nose.. that idea has always been the weirdest to me.. cause unlike other things like eyelids, or lips or even boobs. a nose to me seems like something vaguely er.. 'useful'. Which is to say that most people use them for breathing, so i'm not sure how its working out for them.. but personally i think i'd feel abit weird breathing through a piece of plastic. i wonder if they can actually get feeling.. hmm..
Anyway this post was just a totally random.. i'm not specifically bashing any of our 'beloved' bloggers.. not really at least |
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| <.< .. >.> |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
So much for my goal to blog more.. guess my enthusiasm kinda died along the way.. actually more like ive been rather busy, or maybe a little of both. Anyway nothing much has been happening lately.. army life is as boring as ever.
One interesting thing to note is that i'm blogging from my camp's computer. Omg like how cool (and potentially illegal) is that! Before you start worrying for me.. don't worry.. i'm pretty sure i won't get charged for this.. kind of..
Another thing of importance recently is that i got into my first 'accident' the other day.. scrapped my bumper against a pillar and got a scratch for it. Parents are abit upset and my confidence is rather bruised but its okay.. i'm sure i (and they) will get over it and i'll be back to reckless driving and high-speed cornering in no time =D
Fasten your seat belts. |
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| First REAL NEW Entry |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|09:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I find it funny that i've finally got enough conviction to start blogging again right after getting my licence.. which is like the major hurdle in my end-of-teens, going-on-twenty life (Most people would consider their alevels to be their biggest hurdle but since i failed mine so badly i try to convince myself that driving is more important.. yes i know its wrong but let me fool my subconcious abit longer ^^)
Anywaaay.. i come back after leaving with the huge cliffhanger of 'omg ns is coming!!!!@~!' Well i've finished by BMT and its safe to say that i've finally settled into my fairly stable job of 'i-dunno-if-i-should-say' cause the 'you-know-what' department might decide that my blog constitues a breach of national security and my next post might be made from the inside of a cell.
Suffice to say that my job is sufficently slacky (so far..), and its 8-5.. which means i get to sleep in my nice comfy bed everyday. A luxury most of my ocs/sispec friends would kill for. Anyway the food at camp is okay.. facilities are so-so.. i guess my only gripe is that the lack of physical activity is having a serious detrimental effect on my health. One day i'm gonna be so slobbish that i'll be nothing by a cubicle warrior.
So that's basically my ns life up till this point. Boring BMT followed by boring admin job.. although i hope my in-charge doesnt see this and take it as a hint to spice up my life.. i think i could live without that. |
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| IT'S A BRAND NEW START |
[Jul. 15th, 2008|09:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  busy | ] |
Yes indeed, i'm reviving this sad decrepit blog for the umpteenth time.. which just goes to show how you cant put a good thing down. Not that i'm saying my blog is good.. quite the opposite in fact. I hardly think that any of the people who used to read my blog will still read it.. and i dont actively advertise my url so i doubt many new people will find it.
However i've decided that i actually feel like recording some random thoughts and feelings that i have in a semi-private manner. Since i dont really have anything bad to say about anyone.. nor do i feel like i partake in anything too far from acceptable social norms.. i feel like there's really nothing to hide. So to you the courageous reader who has braved this wall of text i thank you for taking the time to care so much about what i'm thinking and i hope that this blog might give you a little bit of insight into how my mind works.
And so let the new bloggin spurt.. BEGIN.
(The above wall of text was inserted because elbert does not know how to archive his entries.. therefore a suitably large barrier between the old entries and new entries is required) |
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| @>@ |
[Apr. 7th, 2008|12:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
omg dead blog
ns soon
gg
coming close to wasting 6months of my life
wish me luck |
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| GG QQ? |
[Dec. 15th, 2007|06:29 pm] |
It's startling how i can tie so much feeling to a game
i mean its a game.. geez
the logical part of brain knows that but i mean
sometime's feelings just leak out while im playing
rage.. disappointment.. sadness.. annoyance.. contempt
it's like.. it's a freaking game..
who the hell would feel like crying over a game (not that i'm saying i did ..)
Seriously speaking i think WoW has become something resembling a cancer
slowly but surely its draining the life out of me
and i feel that my life is revolving more around this game than it should
i dare say 95% of my social interaction occurs inside the game itself.. i mean.. wth..
if you think about it.. ITS MADNESS
but the problem is that i have real-life friends playing it
and.. damn blizzard for knowing this.. i can't just abandon them to a game which they got involved in because of me
so i guess till i think of some solution
i just have to hope that some day they'll tire of the endless monotony and feel like quitting
and i assure you that i will be the first in line |
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| not straightforward at all |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|12:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
It's funny how just when i finally began accepting the way everything's panned out.. life comes along and throws a curve ball right out of left field
so now here i am stuck in a crunch again after enjoying a couple days of zen-like peace of mind
i could definitely continue my current mindset in which case i could probably still continue to enjoy the rest of my hols. on the other hand there'd always be that nagging voice at the back of my head wondering how things may have turned out if i just went the other way.
Alternatively i could take a risk and result in setting myself up for another couple of months of drama suspense and ,ultimately, disappointment.. but hey people say the fun is in the journey not the destination right? (yea, right.)
anyway wish there was a third option but hey, there isnt.. that's life. |
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